Although this blog seeks to provide our readers with information concerning legal aspects of divorce, child custody, support, visitation, and related matters, we wanted to share a recent article out of the Kansas City Star which reflected a bit on improving a marriage.

Looking at some of the high profile incidents of marital strife-including Arnold Schwarzenegger's infidelity and Jennifer Lopez's third divorce-the author of the article notes the surprising prevalence of "marriages of quiet desperation," which eventually fail because the marriage hasn't been nourished. In such marriages, there are no large, glaring issues, just a gradual dissatisfaction and growing apart.

According to sources, nearly 60 percent of divorces in the United States involved reportedly "low-conflict" marriages, in which there were no issues with abuse, addiction, chronic infidelity or such issues. According to experts, the cause of such these divorces isn't really obvious, but more often than not involves a sort of tedious wearing down of the relationship.

Experts say that unequal power, constant blaming and nagging, and projecting one's "shadow" onto a partner is often the cause of such erosion. Improving marriages where these things are happening often requires making time for each other and being more open and honest with one another.

In terms of small things one can do to rekindle a marriage, the article points to the importance of maintaining some romance. That can be difficult in a marriage that has become tedious. But simple things like giving your spouse undivided and sustained attention, avoiding displays of contempt, sharing labor, managing anger, and making time for interesting and playful conversation and activity, can go a long way.

Source: Kansas City Star, "Till tedium do us part: Couples who want to avoid divorce had better sweat the small stuff," Heidi Stevens, Sep 8, 2011.